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The Weighty Resolution
“The reason so many diets fail is because men and women are not willing to change their lifestyle,” explains Carole Lewis, national director of First Place, a Christ-centered health program based in Houston. “As soon as a person stops dieting, it’s easy to return to old habits and immediately gain weight. Thos who are serious about long-term weight loss need to contemplate changing their lifestyle.” While a woman may resolve to lose weight on her own, she can’t do it alone. Whether the challenge is to lose inches, sizes or pounds, success largely depends on you, the male partner in the relationship, and your support. Changing eating habits isn’t always easy. It is often accompanied by strange recipes, emotional fluctuations and a silent need for approval. As a supportive spouse, your sensitivity and prayers can help her achieve her weight loss goals. Here’s how. Join her: “The biblical principle that two are better than one definitely applies to dieting,” says Tedd Mitchell, medical director for the Cooper Wellness Program in Dallas, Texas. “By establishing the same basic goals—to improve cardiovascular endurance, lower fat consumption and pursue a healthier lifestyle, partners improve their chances for long-term success.” One of the basic rules, explains Mitchell, is that one spouse does not follow a set of behaviors that the other spouse is prohibited from. If a wife is exercising regularly and trying to eat healthier, her husband should not continually consume ice cream and pursue a “couch potato” lifestyle. A cheerful husband who joins his wife in a low-fat diet without complaint is the cornerstone to a woman’s success. She may change eating times to reduce snacking or experiment with new recipes. Be ready to adjust. It takes time to develop a repertoire of healthy recipes and eating patterns. The first week will be the hardest. It’s likely that your steak will be replaced by a chicken breast and your french fries by a baked potato, but keep in mind that the health benefits will last a lifetime. Besides joining her in meals, look for opportunities to exercise with her. Adding walking, running or aerobics to your schedule may require some adjustment, but it’s worth it. If you can’t find time to meet her in the gym, then plan a walk for after dinner. Beyond the health benefits, the time together is likely to strengthen your relationship. Speak her language: “Communication is critical to successful weight loss,” explains Mitchell. “Men tend to communicate at a different level. They can use harsher words without meaning anything, while women tend to be much more sensitive.” Early communication will allow you to support, encourage and discuss issues and become more sensitive to her needs. It is important for you to find out her motivations in order to better support her. Does she want to shed a few pounds from a recent birth, fit back in older clothes, or simply improve her health? Once you know her motivations, look for ways to be supportive without critiquing her physical appearance. “A woman’s weight is one of her most personal issues,” says Lewis. “Never ask your wife; wait until she volunteers the information, and realize that some women never discuss it.” Know what to avoid: There are a number of attitudes and actions to bypass as your wife works to improve her fitness. Here are a few: Buying forbidden foods. “You would be amazed at the things husbands will do to undermine a woman’s dieting efforts,” says Lewis. “Even after a husband commits to the program, he will bring home donuts or stop by the convenience store to get his wife a candy bar. Though he never did these things before she began dieting, many men find they don’t know how to handle the dietary changes.” The day your wife begins her new diet, she is likely to clear the cabinets of high-fat snack foods. Do her a favor—don’t replace them. Unless they are low-fat or no-fat items, don’t bring them into the home. The snacks you feel you have to have will be the same ones she’ll be tempted to try when you aren’t around. Comparing progress. “Men typically have an easier time losing weight because they carry more lean muscle mass,” observes Mitchell. They often make the mistake of telling women that they should be able to lose weight just as easily. But this simply isn’t true. Be careful not to measure your ability to lose weight against hers, and avoid comparing her diet to another woman who may be on a similar program. Such comparisons can discourage and even destroy a woman’s chances of success. Making negative comments. Sometimes the most trivial comments can be the most harmful. “I saw you eat this.” “If only you’d exercise.” “You look fat.” “You don’t look any smaller.” “You know, that food isn’t on your diet.” “Men don’t realize the impact of what they say,” says Mitchell. “If a woman feels defensive about losing weight, then she is likely to resort to fast weight-loss methods such as fad diets.” Avoid all comments that could make a woman feel judged on her physical appearance or weight-loss efforts. Most women are all too aware of their bodies and what they choose to eat. Using short-term strategies. Long-term weight loss requires lifestyle changes. Look for various ways that the diet can be incorporated into your lifestyle. Try to establish exercise times that can become a permanent part of your family’s schedule. Rather than give up certain foods for a short period of time, try finding satisfying alternatives that can become permanent replacements. If a man is willing to learn to forego that big bowl of ice cream before bed and instead of have fruit, says Lewis, it is like a love note to his wife. Being unavailable. Food preparation, exercising and joining a fitness program all require one of our most precious commodities: time. One of the most powerful actions a man can take to support his wife is to make himself available to take care of the kids, run errands and do various chores around the house. If you are not around to alleviate some of these duties, it will become even more difficult for your wife to meet her health goals. According to Ephesians 5:28-9, “He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church.” Millions of women will set a goal to lose weight this summer, and it’s likely your wife will be one of them. By joining her, and “loving her as you love yourself,” you can become the most important factor in ensuring her success. By Margaret Feinberg, a freelance writer and a regular contributor to New Man. She is the author of God Whispers (Relevant). |
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