The New Man Report

Learning to Talk With My Wife Is Life-Changing

2010-03-01T14:24:00.002-05:00

If you're like me, talking about your problems, issues and fears comes about as naturally as shaking hands with your left hand (surprisingly difficult and almost always awkward). I'm the type of guy who likes to work things out on my own. If there's a problem at work, I'm going to figure out how to fix it. If there's a weight on my shoulders, I'm going to bear it without complaint. I don't know why—I think it's one of those guy things about not wanting to seem weak in front of others. Regardless, it's just the way I've always been.

My wife, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. If something bad happened at work, we're going to talk about it. If she's got a worry on her heart, we're going to talk about it. If there's even an issue that might be coming up months down the road, we're going to talk about it and plan for it.

When we first started going out, I had no idea how to handle this. I felt like a nerdy white guy with no moves at a dance party (I know how that feels because I am one). Talk about my problems? Why would anyone want to do that? Let's just deal with them ourselves and talk about happy things.

However, over the years, one of the many things about my wife that I thank the Lord for is this desire to talk about our issues. God did not put us on this earth so we could live by ourselves; He made us relational people for a reason. We are not supposed to deal with everything by ourselves. We are not strong enough, smart enough or wise enough to deal, alone, with everything the world puts us through.

Of course, self-sufficiency is still something I struggle with. Last week I got some challenging news that was pressing on my mind. My natural reaction to this sort of thing is to deal with it, pretend it's not a problem and figure out what to do about it. Of course, for the whole time it's on my mind, I'm going to be grumpy and irritable.

So instead of doing what I was inclined to do, I just told my wife what was going on the first time we talked about it. Everything in me was screaming not to, that she would think of me as weaker. Everything in me was wrong. As always, she was wise, encouraging and sympathetic. After a five-minute conversation, the weight was off my shoulders.

Guys, I'm pretty young and I don't know a lot about marriage, but one thing I do know is that this world is tough, especially right now, and we were not meant to handle everything by ourselves. If you have a wife, share everything you're going through with her as soon as you can. It's one of the most intimate things you can do.

For you single guys, make sure you've got one or two friends in whom you can confide. It doesn't have to be about big things, either. Often I've found that in accountability groups, we talk only about things we think are important enough to share—it can make you feel a little weak to share what's really bothering you if it's not an end-of-the-world type problem. But if anything is on your mind, talk to your brothers about it. You'll be amazed at how freeing it is and how much they will relate to you.

Changes Are Coming to 'New Man'!

2010-02-18T13:28:00.001-05:00

By Chris Glazier

In the ever-evolving world of online journalism, we're constantly analyzing the way we do things and looking for ways to make it better. The old rules for print publications no longer apply, and as we figure out the new rules, one of the things we rely on most is your feedback.

Last year one of the things we tried with New Man was a switch to a twice-weekly e-mail. The experiment taught us a lot. One of the main things we found is that you receive a lot of e-mail every week, and having two issues of New Man hit your inbox didn't necessarily make the reading experience better. Out of respect for you and the amount of mail you receive, as of next week we will be switching back to a once-a-week New Man eMagazine, which you will be receiving every Monday.

Along similar lines, we've also been analyzing how many of you actually sit down and read every story in the issue. The answer: not many. Most of you pick a story or two that seem likely to be your favorite and stick with those. To be honest, it's how I read other newsletters as well. We also found that most guys are clicking on similar types of articles every week. Based on that, we will be sticking with the two-article format for the eMagazine. We will be putting only our best two stories in the e-mail, the types of stories you were actually reading anyway. This should make the reading experience a lot easier and quicker for you.

What will we do with the rest of the content previously found in the eMagazine? I'm glad you asked. In the immediate future New Man will be relaunching a significantly improved Web site. The new site will have access to all our old and new stories. It will be much easier to use and updated frequently. Much of the smaller stories and fun stuff will be transitioned to the site.

As always you can rely on New Man to keep you informed on everything relevant to Christian men. Expect plenty of interviews with top Christian leaders, athletes and experts. Expect news that will keep you informed on events that will affect you. Expect honest insights and advice. And expect to have a lot of fun, too.

Our Annual Valentine's Chick-Flick Survival Guide

2010-02-11T12:27:00.004-05:00

Don't worry, guys: Valentine's Day is Sunday, and you know we wouldn't leave you unarmed going into what amounts to the Super Bowl for girls. So we're back with the third annual New Man Chick Flick Survival Guide.

In case this is your first time, here's the deal. We know that we owe the women in our lives a good night this Sunday. They put up with our stupidity, they let us watch a lot of football, and they never get enough credit. Unfortunately, for many women a good night involves a chick flick, and that's where things get tricky. Most of us prefer our movies to have more fighting than flirting.

To help balance your woman's desire for romance with your aversion to sappiness, we've scouted the current chick flicks in the theaters to find the most acceptable solution to your dilemma. Granted, we couldn't stand to actually sit down and watch all these movies one by one, but we did do a lot of investigating.

Here's the lineup, starting with the least appealing:

When In Rome
Any time a fountain of love is prominently involved in a film plot, there should be a big red flag waving in every masculine brain. When in Rome is the cleverly titled movie about a girl (Kristen Bell) from New York who takes a trip to Rome. When in Rome (get it?), she steals coins from a fountain and is immediately set upon by a group of goofy suitors. Amid the zany hijinks, she falls for a journalist played by Josh Duhamel. This fills the romantic-comedy requirement of at least one journalist per film.

You get the feeling with a movie like this that a bunch of movie execs got in a room, put a bunch of chick-flick stereotypes in a hat and just pulled them out to create a plot. New York + Rome + fountain of love + hot journalist + goofy sidekicks = movie.

It's possible that something like this could have been pulled off with an unbelievable cast, but that's not the case here. Kristen Bell (Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Heroes) and Josh Duhamel (Transformers) have been decent in some lesser parts, but they haven't shown anything approaching the ability needed to save something like this. The goofy suitors feature some decent comedians (Danny DeVito, Will Arnett, Jon Heder) but nobody who's going to make us forget what we're watching.

When in Rome also has the unfortunate timing of releasing a few weeks ago, which means we have piles of negative reviews to browse. By all accounts, most thought that Duhamel and Bell might have been able to pull off a good romantic comedy, but there was no saving this hackneyed, ridiculous screenplay. Jake Coyle of the Associated Press says, "It's all exceptionally predictable and disappointingly laugh-free."

New Man recommendation: Avoid if at all possible. Sedatives might be necessary.

Dear John
Another Valentine's Day, another Nicholas Sparks adaptation. Ever since The Notebook turned out to be one of the best romantic comedies in recent memory, studios have been churning one Sparky adaptation after another. Unfortunately for the men of the world, The Notebook seems to have been a one-hit wonder for Sparks. What we're left with is a series of melodramatic, sappy tearjerkers.

The latest of these cheery flicks is Dear John, which somehow managed to finally knock Avatar out of the top box office spot last week. The film stars Amanda Seyfried (Mean Girls, Mamma Mia!) and Channing Tatum (G.I. Joe) as young lovers who know each other for two weeks before Tatum leaves for military service. That's right—two weeks. The rest of the movie details their long-distance relationship as they write letters to each other. If you do happen to get dragged into this movie, don't ask your significant other why they would write paper letters when they could pick up a cell phone. You'll probably get a dirty look.

Although Dear John put up strong box-office numbers last week, we recommend against it. First of all, the leads just don't cut the mustard. Tatum is about as expressive as cardboard, and Seyfried … well, just watch this trailer. You'll get the idea. Lots of crying, lots of sentimentality, and lots of bad acting. This choice line from the trailer seems to sum it all up: "Dear John, tell me everything. Write it all down, that way we'll be together all the time, even if we're not together at all."

New Man recommendation: It will probably be better than When in Rome but expect to suppress the urge to roll your eyes quite a bit. There might be some spouse consoling required afterward as well.

Valentine's Day
Like last year, a strong movie choice for Sunday unfortunately isn't there—but of all the options, Valentine's Day shows the most promise. It hasn't released yet, so there's a big question mark about how good it will be, but the cast alone should make it more appealing than the previous films.

Here's a quick rundown, in alphabetical order: Jessica Alba, Kathy Bates, Jessica Biel, Bradley Cooper (pictured), Patrick Dempsey, Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, Topher Grace, Anne Hathaway, Ashton Kutcher, Queen Latifah, George Lopez, Shirley MacLaine and Taylor Swift. Oh, and Julia Roberts, too (also pictured).

How could they fit such a ridiculous number of stars into one movie? Instead of telling one long story, Valentine's Day is a series of connected short stories that all take place on the day of love. Similar to last year's He's Just Not That Into You, this movie has a style that takes out a lot of the set pieces and fluff that make chick flicks a torture and distills each story down to its bare bones.

This doesn't necessarily mean that it will be a good movie, but the nice thing is that if you hate a particular storyline, you just have to wait a few minutes for the next one to kick in. Plus, you'll probably get a kick out of seeing the sheer amount of recognizable faces they manage to cram onto the screen.

We don't know if Valentine's Day is going to be good, but we know you probably won't enjoy the other two movies. If your wife is in the mood for a big-screen chick flick on Sunday, this is probably the best bet. However, be warned that the PG-13 rating cites "some sexual material and brief partial nudity."

New Man recommendation: It's worth a shot.

Rental Options
If you plan on staying in this Sunday but still want to watch a flick, here are a couple of good options. Careful, though, someone might get you to admit that you secretly like them.

You've Got Mail
Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are the ultimate chemistry combo on screen. Throw in a charming script, supporting roles by Greg Kinnear, Dave Chappelle, Steve Zahn and Parker Posey, and you've got a romantic comedy worth watching.

Sabrina
Here's one you might have forgotten about or missed entirely. We prefer the '90s remake to the original, mostly because the new one has Harrison Ford. Watching him play against Greg Kinnear and the lovely Julia Ormond is a treat.

Fireproof
If you really want to make God's love for your marriage hit home, this is a great way to do it. Fireproof was a movie phenomenon last year, and God used it in amazing ways to bring reconciliation to countless marriages.

Have a wonderful Valentine's Day, guys. Be sure to show your wife or significant other how much she really means to you, and give her the best night you can. If there's one thing worth celebrating, it's the God-given love of your wife.

If you're looking for more ideas about how to truly show your wife that you love her, check out our second eMagazine article today and get them straight from the source's mouth.

Chris Glazier is the editor of New Man. He recently publicly admitted to liking the movie You’ve Got Mail. If you would like to comment on this article or mock him for his movie tastes, you can reach him at chriglazier@yahoo.com.

When I’m Not Hearing From God

2010-02-04T14:44:00.000-05:00

You know those amazing moments in your prayer life when you feel truly in fellowship with the Lord, almost like He’s sitting there with you? You feel the power of His presence, His love and His wisdom. Those are the joyous, wonderful moments in the Christian life, almost like you’re standing on the top of a mountain in communion with the Creator. It’s fantastic—except when it goes away.

The tough part about the Christian walk is that it’s not made up of one long spiritual party on the mountaintop. There are valleys in between those mountains, and they’re not fun. As of this writing, I happen to be in one of the valleys.

Everything seems a little bit harder. I’m still praying, but His voice isn’t coming to me with instant words of wisdom, love and encouragement. I’m still reading and studying, but the lessons don’t seem as powerful, enlightening or awe-inspiring. It’s tough. I feel alone, tired and more out of touch with God.

Why does this happen? Does it mean that my spiritual life is in the dumps? Have I not been doing enough, and now God is punishing me?

I used to think that way. If I wasn’t hearing God’s voice, I used to blame myself and try to force myself to pray more, or more fervently, until I could make myself feel closer to God. I bet you’ve tried that approach as well, since that’s how American men deal with all the other problems in our lives—by working harder. Of course, when it comes to our spiritual lives, it’s never that simple.

But one of the things I’ve learned from God’s Word and older, more mature men in my life is that God doesn’t stick you in spiritual valleys because He’s punishing you. He does it because He knows what’s best for you.

Our Father in heaven is the wisest father of all. He knows exactly what we need. If we need a spiritual epiphany, that’s what our Father will give us. If we need an arm around our shoulder, that’s what our Father will give us. If we need to figure something out for ourselves and toughen up, that’s what our Father will give us.

As Romans 5:3-4 says, “Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope” (NIV). If you are in the middle of a valley like I am, know that God hasn’t left you alone. He’s giving you what you need. Have faith that, when this valley is behind you and you are back on the mountaintop, you will look behind you and realize exactly why God did what He did.

Tebow's Pro-Life Super Bowl Ad Takes Courage

2010-01-28T11:11:00.003-05:00

Well, fellas, you've just been given another reason to watch the Super Bowl this year. If you haven't heard, Focus on the Family plans to air a pro-life ad featuring Tim Tebow during the big game. In it, the Heisman-winning quarterback and his mother, Pam, will share a personal story centered on the theme of "Celebrate Family, Celebrate Life."

Though the ad hasn't aired, the assumption is that it will center on the story surrounding Tebow's birth. When Pam was pregnant with Tim in 1987, she contracted a dangerous infection. She was working as a missionary in the Philippines, and her doctors there recommended an abortion. Pam refused. Now this story is to get 30 seconds of prime-time exposure.

When I first heard about the ad, my initial reaction was, "Uh-oh, that might turn some people off." See, as a Christian (and a Gators fan), I like that everybody likes Tebow. He's the rare public figure who everyone—from the talking heads on TV to the average Joe on the street—can agree is good. The only thing opposing college fans could criticize him for was being too good.

That might change after the ad. By taking a public stance on arguably the most controversial issue in America, Tebow is going to open himself up to a lot of criticism. Pro-choice groups are condemning the spot, calling on CBS to remove it from the Super Bowl XLIV programming.

Of course, nobody has seen the ad yet. But I'm guessing there's no way pro-choice viewers are going to enjoy it. And if they don't, they're certainly not going to feel the same way about Tebow after the ad as they did before it.

However, as much as I'd prefer for everybody to keep liking Tebow, I'm blown away by his courage to stand up for what he believes in. Though he's never been secretive about his view on abortion, he's now blatantly announcing his view to the world by appearing on an advocacy commercial.

In doing so, he's not just risking his current popularity, he's also risking his potential income. How many corporate sponsors will endorse an athlete who goes out of his way to support a controversial opinion?

But here's the thing: The goal of a Christian man's life isn't to be liked by everyone. Jesus certainly wasn't. As Christian men, we are called to stand up for what we believe, speak truth and defend those who can't defend themselves. Certainly we have to balance this truth with love, but trying to avoid controversy altogether is not in the bag. It's the coward's way out.

During an interview with reporters in Mobile, Ala., on Sunday Tebow said, "I know some people won't agree with it, but I think they can at least respect that I stand up for what I believe."

It worked for me. I have even more respect for Tebow than I had before. He knows he has a platform right now, and he doesn't know how long that platform is going to last, so he's using it to stand up for what he believes in.

I admire that.

What do you think?

Haiti Needs the Power of Giving

2010-01-21T12:01:00.003-05:00

I've been reading through the Gospel of John for the last few months, and it's interesting to me just how often John quotes Jesus talking about giving to our neighbors. It's actually been quite convicting to me to realize just how much emphasis He placed not only on sharing His good news with others but also on caring for others.

I think sometimes we underestimate the power of giving. Of course, what's most important in the life of every person is that they accept Jesus and be made new; but nothing communicates Jesus' compassion to others more than our giving to those in need. We are God's agents in this world, and if we are not taking care of our brothers and sisters, how can they see God's love?

Right now we are seeing the greatest outpouring of giving in recent memory. The tragedy in Haiti is astounding. As of this writing, more than 70,000 people have died, and unfortunately that number is expected to rise significantly.

If you're looking for good Christian organizations that will provide both physical and spiritual relief for those suffering in Haiti, I've included a list below. Please give as much as you can. Also, stay tuned to New Man in the coming weeks for more on what Christians are doing in the devastated nation.

World Vision

Convoy of Hope

Samaritan's Purse

Global Aid Network

Click here for more contacts.

How Do You Pray?

2010-01-14T14:22:00.002-05:00

One of the things I'm trying to do a better job with this year is making consistent time for prayer. I've always loved to pray. It's one of those experiences that makes the Lord so much more real in everyday life. When I can feel His presence and communicate with Him, my Christian walk becomes much more palpable, authentic and, frankly, easier.

I've always loved praying, but for some reason I've always struggled to find a daily time for it. I seem to find the time for Him either when I have the day off or when I really need His help. That's not the way to treat someone you love, much less the creator of the universe. "Yeah, God, I would talk today, but You don't understand how busy I am."

I'm sure that I'm not alone in this dilemma (or at least I hope I'm not). So I wanted to ask you, the fantastic New Man readers, for two things. First, how do you find the time to pray regularly? Second, what do you do when you are praying?

As to the second question, I've always found that the praise + thanksgiving + intercession + personal needs formula feels natural to me. I don't follow it every time—sometimes God takes me in different directions. But if I'm not "in the mood" to pray, this pattern works really well.

First, I try taking a few seconds of silence to calm my mind. Then I start to praise God. I praise Him for who He is, what He has created, and the amazing things He has done in my life.

This leads to thanksgiving. After acknowledging how good God is, I find that the things He has done for me (and in spite of me) always seem more amazing—and I want to thank Him for that.

Then I move to intercession, which is probably the most important part of my prayer time. Nothing will make you more loving to your neighbors than praying for them. Oswald Chambers once said, "Discernment is not a call to judgment, but to intercession." You really capture God's heart when you intercede for others.

Last comes prayer for my own life. This is crucial, because God wants me to bring my cares and concerns to Him. However, I'll say that they seem a whole lot different after I've been praying for others. Often by then, my own concerns don't feel like such a big deal.

So that's how I usually do it; but I love trying new things too. How do you pray? Do you have a certain technique or do you just let the Holy Spirit lead you. Also, how do you make time for regular prayer?

The Solution to Post-Christmas Blues

2010-01-07T15:23:00.000-05:00

I hate taking down Christmas decorations. There's nothing more depressing than seeing your happy ornaments and twinkling lights go back into the boxes (or more frustrating than trying to figure out how you fit them in such tiny boxes to begin with). I always have a few sad moments when I realize this season I've been looking forward to for months is now over.

I love Christmas. I love seeing my family, hearing the messages at church, singing hymns, giving and receiving gifts, and enjoying a short break from regular life. That's why Jan. 2 comes as such a rude awakening. Everyone's going back to work and catching up on stuff they put off for the holidays. Plus, what do you have to look forward to? Two more months of winter and the tax season—that's what.

From that standpoint, this time of year stinks. But one thing God has been trying to teach me for several years now is to avoid putting too much stock in the "next big thing." Learning that lesson is hard to do because our culture is fueled by instant gratification and major events. Marketers and advertisers already are trying to get us to spend money for the Super Bowl and Valentine's Day. They're working to redirect our attention so we'll start looking forward to the next big thing.

In a relationship with Jesus Christ, though, the truly important stuff doesn't occur at the moment the next big thing arrives. Sure, we experience Christian events, rallies at churches and moments in our lives that we pinpoint as spiritual hallmarks. But as any experienced Christian knows, a life lived with Jesus is not about those big spiritual peaks; it's about how we walk through the valleys.

Jesus' process for transforming our lives involves changing us every day in small but meaningful ways. He develops passions in us; He develops good habits and routines; He develops love for others. That's why having such things as a regular quiet time and accountability partners are so effective, because they are steady and regular. They will have a much bigger influence on your spiritual life than the "next big thing" that you might look forward to.

Since I don't have another big thing coming up in the near future, I'm looking forward to improving my everyday walk with God at the beginning of this year. I need to take this time to develop routines and a consistent focus on the Lord that will carry me through the rest of the year. With God's help, my everyday life will become full of satisfaction in Him so I won't be as let down when the next big thing comes and goes.

2nd Annual Reader's Issue

2009-12-28T15:57:00.000-05:00

Guys, welcome to the second annual Reader-Contributor Issue of New Man eMagazine. It's been almost two years since New Man switched from a print magazine to an online publication. There are certain things I miss about the print version, but there's also a lot I enjoy about the new format.

First and foremost is the way an online publication gives me the chance to feel closer to readers. Things such as e-mailing and posting comments have opened up new lines of communication between editors and readers, which I see as one of the best things about the new online-journalism world. Yes—even when my columns get ripped apart in the Comments section.

The other thing this new format has fostered is an increased capability for readers to take the next step and become contributors. Maybe you've seen our ad in the corner of each issue offering you a chance to write for New Man. That's something we take seriously. We regularly run stories from guys like you who feel they have something to share with the other Christian men out there.

It's really a blessing to receive thoughts and articles from you guys who read the eMagazine. My own life as a Christian man has been relatively short compared with many of you out there, so I love hearing from those who are wiser than I am.

This issue is dedicated to articles from readers who had something to say and submitted their work. Jeff Fisher's "Four Jobs of an Accountability Partner" is a great, practical example of how to do a difficult job that we all know is of extreme importance. Jason Brooks' "Outstretched Hands" is a poignant, thoughtful piece on the parallels between his father in heaven and his own role as father of a 4-year-old. Daryl Barlow's "The Saul in You" takes the story of David, King Saul and Goliath and uses it to show us the real mentality we need for finding victory in life.

I hope you enjoy their writings as much as I did.

To all of you who have submitted writings to us in the past, I sincerely thank you. I'd also like to encourage any of you who are interested in writing for New Man to e-mail your work to us. We dutifully consider everything that's sent.

Have a great new year!

Our Last-Minute Gift-Buying Guide for Husbands

2009-12-17T13:37:00.000-05:00

It's Dec. 17, so you know what that means. Time to figure out what your wife wants for Christmas! I've heard that some men out there have all their Christmas shopping finished before Thanksgiving. Personally, I believe that's a myth. I've never once met a man who didn't have to make one desperate, last-ditch run to the mall this week for at least a few gifts. My father believes in the "24-hour rule," which states that any gift purchased before Christmas Eve doesn't count.

In our never-ending effort to help you guys out, we offer you the New Man guide to last-minute Christmas shopping. These tips are brought to you by a man with years of experience as a procrastinator—so take advantage of them!

1. Don't buy from kiosks.

I know that it's scary to walk into the women's clothing stores, and I know that it is so much easier just to pick up one of the nice, shiny things on display at the kiosk right in front of you. Even though the nice woman selling the miracle cream from the Dead Sea is convincing, don't give in.

Women know when you get something from a kiosk, and it won't turn out well. One year former New Man editor Drew Dyck purchased a variety of his wife's gifts from the "As Seen on TV" kiosk, thinking they would be a surefire hit. They were an epic failure.

2. Develop your parking skills.

One key to a good last-minute Christmas shopping run is a good parking job. If possible, look for any side entrances, such as the garden areas at Walmart and Target. If there's no entrance there, and the parking lot is a zoo, you have to refine your "follow someone to their car" skills.

Rookies will pick anybody leaving the store and follow them, but experienced Christmas Eve shoppers know that some people take longer get in their cars than others. Never follow someone with kids, someone who looks over the age of 75 or the Herculean woman carrying 18 bags. It will take them so long to get in their cars that you'd be better off parking across the street. The best bet is to find another man like you who is half-running across the lot to get to his next location.

3. Buy chocolate, but not too much.

Chocolate is one of those go-to items every year for the man on a shopping trip. You can't go wrong unless your wife is one of the two women in the U.S. who don't like it. The key with chocolate is not buying too much. It's a delicate balance because every woman wants a little chocolate on Christmas day, but no woman wants to pigout. Plus, in my experience, there's a bigger advantage to buying better quality chocolate than a lot of it. I can't tell the difference between a Snickers bar and a fancy truffle, but my wife can.

4. When in doubt on clothing, go with the smaller size.

Clothing is a risky item to place on the Christmas list. As a gift, it can be a big hit or a dangerous mistake. First of all, it's a good bet never to go with a piece of clothing unless your wife specifically mentioned it beforehand or another woman who knows her recommended it to you. Anything else is a shot in the dark.

More important is finding the right size. Like Rule 3, there's a delicate balance between finding something that fits but also not making your spouse feel bad because you bought the wrong size. If you're stuck between two different sizes, always go with the smaller one. Is she a small or a medium? She's a small. Trust me.

5. Remember this: The smaller the box, the better the gift.

This is a counterintuitive rule for men who think exactly the opposite. To a man, bigger boxes are much more fun. After all, you can't fit a TV or a power tool in a box made for a sweater.

For women, the opposite is true. Smaller boxes tend to contain small, shiny things. If you're that guy staring vacantly at the mall directory this Christmas Eve, keep in mind that women like shiny things.

Of course, the best way to find the right gift is to know your wife. If you know what she likes, then you're going to find things she will love. If she likes to be pampered, get her a spa treatment. If she likes to go outdoors, get her something for that. If she likes nice dinners, go for a gift card and a reservation.

In my experience, it's not about how much you spend; it's about how much you thought about it and how well the gift matches her. Or how shiny it is.

You're Still a Good Man, Charlie Brown

2009-12-10T14:48:00.001-05:00

When I was a kid, I remember hearing adults complain about the holiday season. They would whine about how busy they were, how difficult traveling was and how tight finances were. I also remember thinking these people were insane. How could you complain about Christmas?

Of course, the older I get, the more I understand. When I was a kid, I didn't realize how busy, expensive and complicated this time of year gets. I didn't know how painful this time of year can be for lonely people. I didn't know about debates over politically correct phrases or that Santa and Jesus could be competing for our attention.

Few things about Christmas seem to be as special as they were when I was a kid, but there's one little pop-culture Christmas tradition that seems never to get old and remains special: A Charlie Brown Christmas.

There's something about good ol' Chuck's take on Christmas that seems to never age. For one thing, it's a great little movie. It's clever, well-written and features the timeless jazz recording from the Vince Guaraldi Trio, possibly the best Christmas music out there.

But, of course, the reason A Charlie Brown Christmas manages to stay fresh and powerful since its debut in 1965 is the fact that it features the real Christmas story. Every time Linus gets up to perform his poignant reading of Luke 2:8-14, I get the same chills that I got when I was a kid. It's a profoundly simple message delivered by an untrained child actor, but it somehow manages to convey the love of God every time I see it.

It's amazing that the little movie even managed to make it to the tube at all. When it was first made, producers balked at the child actors, jazz music and especially the Bible reading. They thought kids would be bored. But creator Charles Schulz, a Christian, was adamant about the movie, particularly the reading. A behind-the-scenes feature said that when producers talked to him about removing the scene, Schulz remarked, "If we don't tell the true meaning of Christmas, who will?"

Thank goodness he did. Now the good news of Jesus Christ humbling Himself and taking the form of human flesh gets aired to a national audience year after year, completely unedited. It still makes me feel like a kid every time I watch it, but more important, it reminds me what all this hubbub is truly about.

The Tiger Woods Scandal Is Simply Sad

2009-12-03T15:06:00.001-05:00

Unless you don't follow sports or news, or unless you've been cut off from the world for the last 48 hours, then you've heard that Tiger Woods, the best golfer in the world, has been exposed for having an extramarital affair (and possibly more than one). What started with a relatively minor car accident has turned into a nasty media firestorm that led to Woods' partner revealing numerous illicit text messages and a very condemning voice mail yesterday.

Numerous people on radio shows, columns and blogs have expressed a variety of reactions to the scandal. Some are having fun with it, reveling in the fact that the world's most recognizable sports figure has had his name smeared. Some are outraged, expressing righteous anger and calling for Woods' sponsors to drop him. Some are even defending him, saying the media has gone too far, and are asking people to respect Tiger's privacy.

I haven't seen many people express what I felt upon hearing the news, and my reaction was the same as a lot of Christian sports fans out there. I wasn't excited. I wasn't angry. I wasn't even surprised. I was just sad.

I was sad because another man has been broken and another family destroyed. I was sad because I wasn't surprised. I haven't come to expect much from male celebrities these days. I was sad that others were having fun with a situation that is not funny in any way.

I know it has to be hard for famous athletes. They face way more temptation every day than you or I will in a month. But it's sad that so many of them fall, especially because, whether we like it or not, American kids will always view athletes as their heroes. That's why I'm so thankful for men such as Tony Dungy, Tim Tebow, Kurt Warner and others like them, who have the kind of personal caliber we will continue to spotlight in New Man.

My final reaction to the Tiger controversy was this: The guy needs prayer. He's being hounded from all angles, he's going through something that is tough enough without the entire country knowing about it, and it's entirely his fault. Let's pray that he finds the Lord, and let's pray that he gets a chance to atone for his mistakes.

Top 10 Things to Be Thankful For

2009-11-19T14:48:00.000-05:00

In honor of Thanksgiving, I’m happy to announce the top 10 things Christian guys can be thankful for in 2009. This list is in no particular order and will alternate between meaningful, truly important things and completely superficial fun stuff.

10. Cheap HDTVs
A combination of better technology and a crummy economy has now allowed men to view the world as it was meant to be viewed: on a couch in glorious high definition. So whether you’re watching the good (football), the bad (chick flicks) or the ugly (Gregg Popovich), you get to see every nook and cranny.

9. Wives
What would we do without our wives? Probably spend way too much time with our HDTVs. Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (NIV). Solomon hit that one right on the head. Our wives take care of us, they challenge us, they inspire us to do better. They provide insight, wisdom, sympathy, love and lots of forgiveness. I couldn’t be more thankful.

8. Fireproof
Speaking of wives, men around the country renewed their commitment to their better halves this year because of the amazing film Fireproof.Created by the guys at Sherwood Baptist Church in Albany, Ga., this movie has become the most successful independent film of the past year, inspiring new commitments to marriage along the way. I have heard so many stories about the good things this movie has done, and I have been absolutely blown away with how God has used it.

7. The Return of 24
When season six of 24 ended, fans were worried that Jack Bauer had been all used up. That was until the show completely rejuvenated itself and kicked some terrorist tail in Washington, D.C. There are few things on television more satisfying than watching the baddest man on TV take down evil dictators and corrupt rich guys. Plus, this year’s exploration of the moral implications of Jack’s methods provided a great balance for the show.

6. Fantasy Sports
Even though Tony Romo killed my team last week, I’m still loving everything about fantasy sports. There are few things more fun than drafting a team and following your players as the season plays out. But the reason it makes this list is, I’ve never found an easier way to keep in touch with my long-distance friends. It’s a superficial game, but anything that keeps guys in community with one another regularly is a good thing.

5. Small Groups for Men
Despite the early wake-up times, there are few things in life that can be more important or meaningful than getting together with a group of men and sharing your lives together. Whether you’re studying Scripture, going through a book or just meeting for coffee, having a regular time of the week set aside for male friendships is something I hope all of us can be thankful for.

4. Children
This one’s tough for me to write about, seeing that I don’t have any kids myself, but it would be ridiculous of me to leave this out. Every dad I’ve ever met would always place his kids at the top of the list of things he’s thankful for.

3. Dads
On the flip side, for every guy out there who’s still got a dad he can talk to, you know there are few things to be more thankful for. There’s nothing like that father-son relationship. Whether you’re just discussing the latest news or sports, sharing about the challenges you’re facing or seeking him out for advice, it’s truly a blessing from God to talk with your father.

2. Football
What would a Thanksgiving list be without football on it? Let’s take time here to be thankful for the thing that not only gives us something to be irrationally passionate about every week in the fall, but also gives us a reason to use our HDTVs—and acts as a social lubricant for our conversations with other guys. Seriously, is there an easier way to start a conversation with one of your friends, your dad or your son than by asking, “So what do you think of the game?”

1. The Grace of God
As always, there is nothing in heaven and on earth more powerful or precious than the amazing grace of God. Through His grace, God forgives us for the little things and the big things. Through His grace we learn about the true nature of love. Through His grace, we will get to spend eternity in paradise, even though we have absolutely no right to such a gift. There is nothing anywhere to be more thankful for than the grace of God through Jesus Christ.

Praying for Our Veterans Past and Present

2009-11-12T15:03:00.000-05:00

During the last few years I’ve developed a little tradition for myself around Veterans Day. I found that in college there were several years when I completely forgot about this day to honor the men and women who have fought—or are fighting—for us in the military. That’s not a good thing. I have a lot of respect and admiration for the people who serve this country and willingly put themselves in harm’s way for others. If anyone deserves a day of the year to be honored, it’s them.

For the last couple years, I’ve watched either an episode of Band of Brothers or the movie Saving Private Ryan sometime around Veterans Day. I know it sounds trite and shallow, but if you’ve ever seen either that TV series or that movie, you know they leave a powerful impression. Both reveal not only the horror of what veterans have had to endure, but also the bravery, character and tenacity the job requires.

More than anything else, these movies give you a much better appreciation for the sacrifices our veterans have made. It’s kind of like watching The Passion of the Christ around Good Friday, although obviously on a much, much smaller scale.

Of course, simply appreciating what our soldiers have done for us is good. Praying for them is better. I can’t think of many groups of people more deserving or in need of prayer than our current and former military members. I’ve been looking around at various ministries that serve the military, and I’ve come up with a list of common prayer requests in case you would like to join me in my prayers:

Pray for their protection. They are putting themselves in harm’s way so that others may be safe.

Pray for their salvation. Nothing can lead people to thinking about eternity more than war, and ultimately nothing is more important than finding Jesus.

Pray for those who are home. We know that adjusting back to a regular life after deployment can be one of the hardest things for a soldier to do. This goes for soldiers both recently returned and previously returned, from a prior conflict.

Pray for their families. The long absences and difficult returns of husbands and wives can be extremely hard for those they leave at home. Pray that those families to remain strong and find some peace.

Pray for our chaplains. This can be one of the hardest jobs in the military and is possibly the most important. Pray that our military chaplains will have peace, wisdom, fortitude and the Holy Spirit at their side. That goes for chaplains serving both current soldiers and older veterans.

Pray for the people of Fort Hood. The tragedy that recently occurred there is still gripping the country, and prayer is needed above all else for the co-workers and families of the victims of Fort Hood.

If you’d like to find our more about supporting and praying for our troops, here are several resources you can check out:

The Presidential Prayer Team has an “Adopt Our Troops in Prayer” program, in which you can sign up to pray for those currently serving and their specific needs. Force Ministries is a Christian organization dedicated to serving our troops. You can check out their Web site to learn more about ways to help. Finally, the USO is always a good resource for meeting needs.

If you have any prayer requests or know of other ministries or ways to help honor and serve our troops, please let us know in the Comments section.

Why I See Heaven in the Changing Leaves

2009-11-05T15:41:00.002-05:00

Fall has always been my favorite season. It brings cooling weather, college football, the start of school, upcoming holidays. And for my wife and me, our birthdays are in the fall. But the last two years I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing something about fall that I've never been able to enjoy before: the changing leaves.

I live in Georgia. Last year I lived in Ohio; and every year before that, I lived in Florida. In Florida, leaves don’t change colors. They go from green to … well, green. The only time I had ever seen bright-orange or deep-red leaves on trees was in calendar pictures or on vacations. So for the last two years I’ve been enjoying these vibrant colors as if I were a kid.

Last week we hiked up a mountain known for its beautiful fall leaves, and one of my friends said something that I have been thinking ever since I moved north: “I’m so glad God made the leaves turn colors instead of just dying.”

It’s a great thought. Why is it necessary for the leaves to turn brilliant colors? There’s no scientific need for it; although, scientifically, there is of course a reason for it. All that’s happening is that as photosynthesis shuts down the trees lose their chlorophyll, which is what makes leaves green. As the chlorophyll leaves, other chemicals in the leaves show through before they fall. In some trees, such as maples, these chemicals make the leaves turn bright shades of red or other colors.

Why is it necessary, from a scientific perspective, for chemicals such as glucose to make leaves look brilliant to my eyes? I’m going with the Sunday school answer here: "Because God made it that way."

Nature, to me, is the ultimate reflection of what we can expect in heaven. In Romans, Paul talks about how creation will be restored to its original glory: “For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God” (Rom. 8:20-21, NIV).

Imagine looking down from the top of a mountain and seeing a valley filled with vivid leaves of yellow, orange and red. Quite a sight. Now imagine what that view will be like when creation is restored. That is what heaven will be like.

We should never let the cares of this world distract from the future joy, peace and fulfillment of heaven. Because of the love of Jesus, we will get to experience the world as it should be for all of eternity.

It’s something to think about the next time you see a gorgeous fall tree.

What Book Has Most Influenced Your Daily Life?

2009-10-29T12:46:00.001-05:00

A co-worker asked me a completely random question the other day: "What book would you say has had made the most impact on your day-to-day life?" I was taken aback. (That's right, I just used the word "aback.")

I've thought a lot about my favorite books. I've thought about the most meaningful books or the most fun books. But I had never looked at them from the angle of actual impact on my life. As I thought about my answer, it was kind of convicting how many great books I have read that, if I was honest about them, haven't had a huge influence on my everyday life.

I continued to think about my answer while my co-worker rambled on about the latest self-help book that he had read (which was, of course, the reason he asked the question in the first place). A variety of answers came to my head. Obviously the Bible popped up first, but I felt like that was cheating, since God wrote it. The others: My Utmost for His Highest, the classic devotion by Oswald Chambers; Desiring God, John Piper's amazing analysis of "Christian hedonism"; Pascal's Pensees, which had more deep thoughts in a few pages than most do in a hundred.

In the end, I settled on Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis' simple masterpiece, as the one that had the most impact on me. I picked it was because of a particular piece of writing that has stuck with me through the years. There's a line that the Holy Spirit brings back to my mind pretty regularly, almost like a Scripture verse you have memorized and that has come to mean a lot.

It’s in chapter 8, where Lewis is discussing whether Christianity is hard or easy. He is talking about how hard the Christian life seems to be for many people because they think that God is calling us simply to behave.

He states that God isn't calling us to give merely our behavior to Him but our whole selves. Our entire life must be completely transformed by Him so that we see the things He sees and do the things He would do. It makes the Christian life so much easier than simply trying to behave well.

So how do we do that?

Here's where my favorite line comes in: "The real problem of the Christian life comes where people do not usually look for it. It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day."

One of the greatest lessons I have learned in my young Christian walk is that the Lord makes it so much easier to live this life if we are looking up instead of down. Constantly looking to God, constantly focusing on Him, constantly listening for Him will do more to make you like Jesus than all the determination in the world. Instead of trying to do good, I have found that it is much easier, and more enjoyable, to try to think on God, and then let Him work through me.

How about you? What book has made the biggest impact on your day-to-day life? I'm looking for a new book, so I'd love to hear some other recommendations.

Faith, Like Dating, Can Be a Mystery

2009-10-22T12:11:00.001-05:00

One of my favorite things about church is listening to a message from the pastor that the Holy Spirit seems to be tailoring specifically for you. I love it when you can really feel the Holy Spirit's understanding seeping through. Whether you are reading a Bible verse, listening silently in prayer or hearing something in a message, you know there are just certain times when God is saying, "This is what I want you to hear."

My pastor's message on Sunday touched on something about faith that really stuck out to me. Faith, he said, isn't trusting that God will do something you ask Him to do. Faith is trusting that God will do what is best for you. Sometimes believers treat God like a personal genie. We want specific things from Him, such as "God, let me start dating that girl," or "God, let me get this job."

Often, if these specific things don't come to pass, we wonder if we didn't have enough faith that God would provide them.

My pastor had a different view on faith. He said faith isn't believing that God will give you a certain job; it's believing that God will take care of you. Faith isn't believing that God will give you this certain girl to be your wife but that He has someone perfect planned for you.

At first this seemed like a minor difference, while I was listening to the sermon, but the more I thought about it, and the more the Holy Spirit worked on my heart, the more I realized that I have been cheapening the power of faith.

Looking back, there have been so many times in my life when I prayed for something to happen, but it didn't. Then, something else came along that was as good or better than what I had hoped for. It may have been different from what I expected, but God has always been there for me. He knows what I need much better than I do.

My wife and I both have been praying for some major things, and on Sunday it felt to both of us like the Holy Spirit was saying: "Let it go. Have faith that I will take care of you."

I'm going to have real faith that God will provide more than we need, even though it may not be what I had in mind originally.

Top 20 Manliest Movie Characters / Part 2

2009-10-15T12:25:00.001-05:00

Guys, on Monday we gave you the first half of our latest list of "Manliest Movie Characters." Today we’re back with the second half, our Top 10 ranking. And we have a bonus for you—a few of our picks for the unmanliest of them all, the Top 5 Wimpiest Movie Characters.

We start with the guys considered to be the 10 manliest characters in movie history—as rated by the New Man editorial staff, that is. Beginning at no. 10, we bring you the wise guy of all wise guys. Enjoy!

10. Michael Corleone: The Godfather series
At the beginning of the first Godfather movie, you would never know that Michael would become the Corleone to make this list. But by the time the sequel rolled around, Michael Corleone could silence a room of "made men" simply by raising an eyebrow. Al Pacino plays one of the smartest, toughest, most ruthless characters in film history, and he doesn’t even throw a punch. He’s a gangster's gangster—a complete bad guy, but you find yourself rooting for him anyway. He’s the man.

We Wish We Had: The stare: Michael could make the toughest mobsters melt with that stare.

Best Quote: Michael Corleone: "Don't tell me that you're innocent. Because it insults my intelligence and it makes me very angry."

Spiritual Take-Away: If you start down the wrong path, you can get lost on it.

9. Jason Bourne: The Bourne series
Who knew that Matt Damon could kick so much butt? As Jason Bourne, the CIA assassin with amnesia, he can still take down illegal intelligence agencies by himself even though he can’t remember anything. He can beat anybody in a fistfight, survive car chases in a Mini, teach reporters how to evade surveillance cameras, and shoot people dead while falling down flights of stairs. No matter what the situation, you know that Bourne will get the job done.

We Wish We Had: Access to a Swiss bank account.

Best Quote: CIA operative Pamela Landy: "This is Jason Bourne, the toughest target that you have ever tracked. He is really good at staying alive, and trying to kill him and failing ... just pisses him off.

Spiritual Take-Away: Bourne finds redemption by losing his memory, showing that no matter how bad someone is, they can still get a chance to start over.

8: Han Solo: The Star Wars series
Harrison Ford’s second appearance on our list is as Han Solo, the smuggler/scoundrel of Star Wars. Solo is brash, gutsy, smooth and quick, but he also has a heart of gold. He may be skeptical about the force, and he may be looking to get paid, but he’ll do anything for his friends—and eventually he even gets a princess to fall for him. Here’s how manly Han Solo is: In Return of the Jedi, Luke has grown up, is wearing black, has his own light saber and can use the force. He’s still not as manly as Solo.

We Wish We Had: The Millennium Falcon, of course.

Best Quote: Han Solo: "Come on, admit it. Sometimes you think I'm all right."

Princess Leia: "Occasionally, maybe ... when you aren't acting like a scoundrel."

Han Solo: "Scoundrel? Scoundrel? I like the sound of that."

Spiritual Take-Away: Choosing good friends can turn your life around.

7. Dutch: Predator
You knew the governor had to make the list. We thought about putting Arnold’s role as the Terminator on the list, but it’s not hard to be manly when you’re an indestructible machine—but when you’re taking on a super-powered alien whose sole purpose is to hunt you? That’s entirely different. Dutch is the leader of a group of the most ridiculously over-the-top soldiers in movie history, and he makes them all look puny in comparison (even Carl Weathers of Apollo Creed fame). What other movie character strips down to his skivvies and coats himself in mud to fight the bad guy?

We Wish We Had: The biggest chest in the history of the world.

Best Quote: Dutch: "If it bleeds, we can kill it."

Spiritual Take-Away: For Predator? We’re not even going to try.

6. Bruce Wayne: Batman Begins and The Dark Knight
Batman is the man, and the list of great Batman actors starts and ends with Christian Bale. As Bruce Wayne, Bale is one of the toughest, smartest and intimidating characters ever. He’s got everything: the martial arts, the Batmobile/tank, the awesome suit and the amazing detective skills. Plus, because the two most recent Batman movies have been so good, they allow the character to shine in ways none of the other movie did. In Batman Begins, we learn why and how Wayne becomes the man. In The Dark Knight, we see him take out one of the greatest villains in movie history. There’s only one superhero who’s going to make this list, and it’s the one without superpowers.

We Wish We Had: The Batmobile, or the cape that can turn into a glider.

Best Quote: Bad guy Flass: "Cops only go there when they're in force!"

Batman: "Do I look like a cop?"

Spiritual Take-Away: It’s not who you are underneath but what you do that defines you.

5. James Bond: Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace
James Bond has long been one of the manliest characters in movie history with his charming ways, his gadgets and his ability to dodge gullets. While you can debate about which actor is best as James Bond, there’s no debate about which is the manliest. Daniel Craig may not be as smooth or pretty as some of the other Bonds, but he is a beast. Instead of having the body of a runner, he has the body of a wrestler. Instead of judo chops to the neck, he tackles and chokes bad guys. He also runs through walls (see: the chase scene in Casino Royale). I think I might be able to take Pierce Brosnan or Roger Moore in a fight, but there’s no way I’d mess with Daniel Craig.

We Wish We Had: The Casino Royale tuxedo.

Best Quote: Bond: "Mr. White? We need to talk."

Mr. White: "Who is this?"

[White is shot in the foot and drops to the ground.]

Bond: "The name's Bond. James Bond."

Spiritual Take-Away: A lifetime of womanizing doesn’t mean as much as a few weeks with a true love.

4. Indiana Jones: The Indiana Jones series
Harrison Ford’s third appearance on the list is definitely his manliest, and one of the manliest in any movie ever. Jones may not be as big as some of the other guys in our Top 10, but no character has ever had more charisma. He’s got the whip, the fedora, the lopsided grin and the ability to escape from any trap. He can ride horses, camels and elephants. He can drive motorcycles, biplanes and boats. In addition to being an adventurer, he’s also a successful professor. All in all, Indiana Jones is one of the best characters you’ll ever see.

We Wish We Had: Some would say the whip, but our choice would be the fedora. Best hat in movie history.

Best Quote: Henry Jones: "Those people are trying to kill us!"

Indiana Jones: "I know, Dad!"

Henry Jones: "This is a new experience for me."

Indiana Jones: "It happens to me all the time."

Spiritual Take-Away: The fear of God is a good thing.

3. William Wallace: Braveheart
While everyone on this list was deserving of their honor, the last three stand head and shoulders above the rest. It was so close that any of them could have taken the top spot. At no. 3 we have William Wallace, the beastly Scottish warrior for freedom played by Mel Gibson. In the beginning Wallace just wants a simple life with his wife, but after she is murdered by the English, he is forced to fight. It turns out to be a bad mistake for the Brits. Wallace goes on to unite his country, taking on armies, evil kings and corrupt nobles along the way. Wallace is probably the most awe-inspiring character on this list because not only is he absurdly manly (check out the huge sword and the ability to pull off kilts) but he stands for ideals as well.

We Wish We Had: His Scottish claymore, which has to be the biggest sword ever seen on a film screen.

Best Quote: Wallace: "Lower your flags and march straight back to England, stopping at every home you pass by to beg forgiveness for a hundred years of theft, rape and murder. Do that and your men shall live. Do it not, and every one of you will die today."

Spiritual Take-Away: Freedom comes at a price.

2. John McClane: Die Hard
When it comes to straight action movies, nothing beats Die Hard, and nobody beats John McClane. In the role he seems born to play, Bruce Willis stars as the New York City cop who is stuck in a skyscraper when it's taken over by terrorists. In many ways, McClane is the most cliché action character out there: the tough, break-the-rules cop who is too crazy for the administration but gets the job done. The difference is that McClane does it better than anyone else. He takes out the terrorists one by one in a variety of ways. He utters fantastic one-liners. Plus, he does it all without his shoes. If you’re wondering why McClane beat out Wallace, the scene where he runs over the glass in his bare feet was the one that pushed him over the top.

We Wish We Had: The ability to mock terrorists with so well.

Best Quote: McClane: "Nine million terrorists in the world, and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister's." [Technically that’s not his best quote, but it’s the best one we can print. Everyone who has seen the movie knows what the best quote is.]

Spiritual Take-Away: Americans always beat Germans in movies.

1. Maximus Decimus Meridius: Gladiator
Our top honors go to the general-turned-slave-turned-hero, Maximus, from Gladiator. Maximus has everything you want in a manly movie character: He is a leader of men, he has principles and ethics, and he can fight better than anyone else. Even though he has had a career filled with memorably masculine roles, Russell Crowe outdoes himself as Maximus. He is a natural leader who doesn’t seek after power. He is a killer, but only because he is required to be. He has a family, and he loves and honors them. He does what is right, no matter what happens to him. He is placed in the lowest possible position, only to rise back to the heights of power simply through his own merits. No movie character has ever been manlier.

We Wish We Had: Maximus’ uncanny ability to inspire and lead others.

Best Quote: Maximus: "My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next."

Spiritual Take-Away: What we do in life echoes in eternity.

Bonus! The Top 5 Wimpiest Movie Characters
Here's the other side of the coin we promised—the five wimpiest characters in movie history. At least, these are the unmanliest ones we could think of. Again, enjoy!

5. Ryan Phillipe: in any movie
It doesn’t matter what movie he’s in—Flags of Our Fathers, Crash or another—Ryan Phillipe will be a total wimp. He’s like the anti-Russell Crowe.

4. Jerry Lundegaard: Fargo
William H. Macy plays the debt-ridden Jerry Lundegaard in Fargo, who goes to despicable means to cover up his indiscretions. A great example of what secrecy and shame can do to you.

3. Pvt. Hudson: Aliens
Memorably portrayed by Bill Paxton, Pvt. Hudson is best-remembered for his classic meltdown after a run-in with the terrorizing aliens, in which he comes up with one of the greatest freak-out lines ever: "What are we gonna do now? That’s it! Game over, man! Game over!"

2. Paris: Troy
Just like Arnold had to make the manliest characters list, Orlando Bloom had to make the wimpiest. As Paris, Bloom cheats on a king’s wife and runs away with her, which starts a war that leads to thousands of deaths. Then he volunteers to do one-one-one combat to stave off the war, only to surrender and run back crying to his brother. That’s a lot of wimpiness in one movie.

1. Edward, Prince of Wales: Braveheart
Prince Edward is the perfect foil to William Wallace. The skinny, cowardly shrimp is more concerned with his clothes and his, um, special friend than the fact that his country is coming apart. Just the complete opposite of masculinity.

We'd like to know what you think! Did we leave anyone out? Was anyone ranked too high or too low? Let us know at newman@strang.com or chriglazier@yahoo.com.

What God Loves About Airports

2009-10-08T09:30:00.001-05:00

I enjoy watching people, and there is no better place for this than an airport. My wife and I were flying for a trip this week, and the people-watching was second to none. I saw business travelers, foreign students, families, bikers, homeless people, nuns and, oddly, what looked like a group of Amish passengers (maybe they were Mennonites, but they still seemed out of place.)

I watched a touching reunion between a father and his small daughter—and what I thought was going to be a touching goodbye kiss between a young couple that suddenly turned into a sloppy make-out session. You see everything at the airport (even stuff you wish you hadn’t seen). The reason I like people-watching is because it’s fun to guess who somebody is, where they’re from and what they’re doing. It’s amazing how much you can learn from just observing somebody.

The problem, or should I say "challenge," with thinking about so many strangers is that I inevitably end up wondering about their salvation and how many of them have the joy of knowing Jesus. There are so many people in this world, and there is only one way to God. It’s a staggering thought when you start to notice them instead of casually walking by them. It always makes me wonder if there’s anything else I can be doing as a Christian.

It’s an issue I always struggle with, as I’m sure many Christians do. Are we doing enough evangelism? Are we sharing life’s greatest hope with everyone we can? Obviously we are called to share it with the people close to us, but how much are we supposed to be sharing it with others? Is street evangelism a good thing? What about airport evangelism?

I know that it’s not going to be effective for the gospel's sake for me to walk around like a maniac and harangue everyone I see at the terminal. Still, I think I miss opportunities for opening up conversations with people sitting next to me because I’m enjoying my book too much to be bothered.

I’m trying to be more mindful of what the Holy Spirit is calling me to do daily. I need to be open to God’s voice if I feel like He’s calling me to strike up a conversation with someone. I need to be more intentional in my prayer life about asking for opportunities to share His love. What about you?

The Integrity of the Founding Fathers

2009-10-01T12:15:00.001-05:00

I love reading books about history. Recently I’ve been working my way through biographies of America’s Founding Fathers. The Colonial period of our history is my favorite. I enjoy reading about it primarily because of the unique qualities of the men who founded our country. They are some of the most authentic, honorable, unselfish and faithful people ever to make an imprint on history.

The more I’ve learned about the history of our world, the more I’ve seen that it’s made up of a bunch of people who looked out for their own interests: The nobility kept the peasants down; tyrannical kings usurped authority; political parties stamped down minorities.

And most of the time, whoever seizes power from another ends up being just as bad as the one who lost the power. You'll see this in the history of communists, kings, tribes or warlords. It’s a true testament to the fallen nature of man.

The American Revolution represents probably the greatest exception to this rule. The men of the Continental Congresses knew about this tendency in the human heart to corrupt power, so they set up a system to defend against it. That’s not the amazing part, though—since other writers and thinkers before them had seen the same flaw in our nature and advanced political or philosophical ways of restricting it.

The amazing part is that these guys actually did it—they had the power, and the control that came with it, and they willingly gave it up. They didn't just theorize; they stepped out of that realm and actually had the bravery and integrity to back up their words with actions.

And it wasn't just the big-picture stuff that they managed to get right. The more I read about them, the more I’m impressed with their everyday lives. They lived with the kind of integrity I want to have as a Christian man and that I want to see others in the church display.

Take John Adams, for example. He was a lawyer whose name was on the rise in the political world when the Boston Massacre occurred on March 5, 1770. In that incident, five civilians who were part of an unruly mob were killed after British troops fired their muskets into the crowd. Adams was the only lawyer who would take the case of the several British soldiers who were identified as firing the deadly shots and indicted for murder.

Adams, as ardent a patriot for American Independence as any, took up the legal defense of these men, knowing that in doing so he could be committing political suicide. He ended up losing half his law practice because of his unpopular decision. In the end, people saw the merit and fairness of what he did, and he was selected to represent Massachusetts in both the first and second Continental Congresses. That’s integrity in action.

Another example is the lesser-known John Dickinson. During the second Continental Congress, Dickinson was the primary opponent of the Declaration of Independence. He was a patriot, but he believed the colonies needed to be more stable before the momentous decision was made to declare them independent states that weren't subject to British rule.

However, public opinion and the opinions of those in the Continental Congress turned against him in the months leading up to July 1776. Out of respect for his countrymen, Dickinson did not show up to cast a vote for the declaration so that when the vote was tallied it would be unanimously in favor of independence. Not only that, a month later he supported his new country’s decision and led troops from Pennsylvania to join George Washington’s army in an amazing display of service and integrity.

The thing that gets me about these guys is that they walked the walk. They risked their livelihoods, their families and even their lives for what they believed. Most of them were Christians, as well, and didn’t just talk about their faith but also lived it.

Let’s make sure we take the same principles and lead our lives with the conviction and integrity that our faith demands.

Are You a Christian … and Miserable?

2009-09-24T13:23:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure how much of this came through in the interview, but I very much enjoyed last week's Q&A with Andrew Farley, author of The Naked Gospel. While I certainly didn't agree with everything Farley said, he offered up some honest and insightful thoughts about Christians today—stuff that many people might prefer to ignore or gloss over. (If you didn't get a chance to read the interview, you can check it out here.)

I was most interested in his account of the crisis of faith he had in college. At the time, he was obsessed with his performance as a Christian and spent hours every day reading the Bible and sharing his faith. He said he "would not have wished his faith on anyone" and that, if he had been honest, his sales pitch to nonbelievers would have been, "Would you like to be a Christian and be miserable like me?"

I've seen a lot of Christians in my life who, if they'd been honest, would have been able to say exactly the same thing. I've even had a few seasons in my life in which I might have said it.

The Christian life can be arduous and challenging. Paul (in 1 Thessalonians 1) and James (in James 1) talk about the many trials we will face in life and how they will build perseverance and character. They tell us we will be persecuted. Trials and tests can be really, really hard. No matter how strong your faith is, these things, by nature, will make life tough for you.

In many other parts of the New Testament, Paul talks about how we have to put off our old self and no longer be slaves to sin. The battle with sin becomes a burden and a hopelessly repeating cycle for some believers. Sin is a reality that Christians have to deal with for life, and for many it can make them feel downright miserable.

Another thing that I've seen cause Christians to be miserable is the "spiritual face" that many of us have to put up when we go to church or meet with other Christians. All of us feel the pressure of being viewed as strong believers, but sometimes putting up false pretenses about our lives that make everything seem great and dandy can kill us. I've seen many friends struggle greatly with this issue.

As men, one of our most powerful and challenging tools is honesty and accountability. If we can find those qualities within in a safe place among friends we can trust, we will learn there is almost nothing more valuable to our walks with the Lord.

The flip side to all of this, of course, is that a true understanding of God's grace and the joy found in Jesus can overcome every season of doubt or depression that we have. Whenever I'm feeling the burden of the Christian walk, or if my faith starts to feel miserable, I try to come back to the face of Jesus. Regardless of anything else, when I'm alone with Him, I know that He loves me, that He cares for me and that His grace is sufficient for me.

I hope everyone who is struggling or feeling miserable can find that grace and peace. One resource I might recommend, if you are feeling that way, is John Piper's book Desiring God. What a profound understanding of joy.

Here's a Challenge: Sharing Jesus With 'Christians'

2009-09-17T12:48:00.001-05:00

A few months ago I moved from an area of the country where Christians were in the definite minority to a place where "Christians" are in the definite majority. The reason I write "Christians," with quotation marks, is that I'm back in the Bible Belt, a place where it's sometimes difficult to tell which people really have Christ in their hearts and which are simply going to church.

The spiritual difference in the place where we used to live and where we live now is pretty profound. In many ways it's really great. We can talk about going to church, and no one looks at us like we're weird. We can talk a little more openly about our beliefs, and people are fine with it. It just feels different here. This is an area where more people are praying and believing. It's less oppressive because there are more Christians around.

However, there are also more "Christians" around.

In a culture where people have been raised in the church, it's much harder to tell the true believers from those who are simply talking the talk. Many of these people know the right answers, they know the right phrases, and they're even trying to be good people; but if you really get to know them, you know that they don't have Jesus present in their lives (check out this Albert Mohler post to get a better idea of what I'm getting at theologically).

This creates several dilemmas. It can make evangelism much more difficult. How do you share the gospel with someone who seems to lack the evidence of Jesus in his or her life yet already identifies himself or herself as a Christian? It's a tricky process.

In addition, in my area of the country every person has grown up around "Christians." That means even those who don't identify themselves as believers have had a lot of experiences with people who go to church, and often the experiences have not been good ones. Trying to share the joy of Christ and the transformation that happens in your life with someone who was been burned or hurt by "Christians" (or real Christians; we're not perfect) is much more challenging than sharing that with someone who hasn't had any experiences with believers.

I was talking with a friend a week ago about my faith, and he brought up the fact that in his small community he knew so many bad things "church people" had done. It's definitely a tall barrier to get over, and I'm praying that God will do it.

How about you? Do you live in an area with lots of "Christians"? What has helped you deal with them? Do you live in an area where Christianity is a significant minority? How do you handle being singled out?

Never Look Twice

2009-09-10T14:21:00.001-05:00

Today's world is tough on the Christian man's eyes. The trends in women's clothing continue to get, well, scarcer. Tops are getting lowered and shorts are getting shortened. The standards in media for what is appropriate in television, movies and advertising continue to get looser, even as the clothes get tighter.

Not only that, but the amount of images hitting our eyes today continues to grow out of control as advertisers search for new ways to get our attention. Can I get an "Amen!" from anyone sick of seeing ads on our e-mail programs?

There's never been a tougher time to deal with the issue of lust. Beyond the fact that we see far more sexy images on a daily basis than men from previous generations did, there is also the trouble of "escalation." The real danger in a sexy advertisement or movie scene is not so much the image itself but what might happen if we allow that image to continue to play out in our imaginations.

If a man today starts lusting in his mind, he has the ability to continue that lust through unencumbered access to more free pornography than has ever existed, and that's when things really start to get nasty.

I developed a simple technique for my eyes a while back that has helped immensely with this problem. I never look twice.

When I was in a Bible study with several Christian guys in college, we remarked that there was only so much control we had over the types of images we could see in our daily lives. We realized that the problem doesn't come when you notice something that sparks your attention. The problem comes when you look again and start to think about why that sparked your attention. That's when your attention turns to lust, and that's when things get hairy.

So now, whether it's a woman on the street, an ad or a scene on TV, I just don't look the second time, and I make sure my mind is occupied with something else. I make sure my eyes are looking at the nice tree in front of me instead of the attractive woman across the street. I'll examine the balding man's head in the theater seat in front of me instead of the sketchy part of the movie I'm watching. I'll make sure that any magazines or catalogs with women on the front are at the bottom of the mail pile, covered by the bills. Nothing will get you out of the mood faster than bills.

I'm certainly not perfect when it comes to this, and I can always improve, but I've found that defeating lust is much easier if you take it out at the beginning, rather than letting it grow. Getting in the habit of not automatically looking away really makes things a lot easier on my eyes.

I'm sure a lot of other guys do this, but it's something that works for me and I wanted to share it. Of course, in our constant battle against lust we all have to play it differently. In addition to looking away, you might need to place greater restrictions on what you allow yourself to look at in the first place. Every man is different, and the key to living in this world lust-free is knowing what you can handle and what you can't.

Does anyone else have some tips on the way they handle their eyes?

Finding Real Life in Fantasy Football

2009-09-03T08:43:00.001-05:00

So, there's a girl in my fantasy football league. Yeah, that's right. The one last bastion of pure, unadulterated machoness in my life has been invaded. The one place where men can truly be men has been corrupted. I feel like our treehouse with the "No Girls Allowed!" sign has been torn down to make way for a tea party with stuffed animals.

Will we post less immature smack? Will we link to less hilarious Web articles? Will we start finding the message board invaded by pictures of puppies or, even worse, photos of the couple—the girl and our whipped puppy-dog friend who invited her?

For those of you in fantasy leagues, you understand my predicament. For those of you who refrain from such nerdy activities, let me explain. Fantasy leagues, for me and a lot of other guys, are the best way to keep in touch with old friends. I've got a long-running league with my high school buddies and a league with friends from my old job. It's how I keep up with a lot of my best buds, how I stay in contact and how I retain that feeling of male camaraderie with them.

Why do we have to play such a silly thing as fantasy sports to keep up with one another? Why can't we just use Facebook, e-mail or—dare I say it—the telephone?

I think the answer lies in C.S. Lewis' book, The Four Loves. In his fascinating chapter on the love between friends, Lewis writes that "friendship" is a "side-by-side" love—as opposed to "romance," which is more of a "face-to-face" love. Your friends are almost always people who have things in common with you or interests similar to yours.

You might find that you both like a certain band, sports team or TV show. You might find that you're both at the same stage of life or have similar political opinions. You might find that you're both Christians who want to grow in maturity.

Either way, friendships between men usually develop because they're focused on something else. You are side-by-side with your friends looking at something or talking about something. The funny part is that after a while, these conversations about other things turn out to be the glue in what is becoming a profound affection between you and other guys.

Even if you're talking about something else, the relationship is growing and maturing. That's why men aren't as good with things like straight phone calls or e-mails; but when we're talking about football and gathering around it, we do it with passion and have ourselves a blast.

The key for Christian men, and this is certainly a challenge in my life, is to make sure that after we develop those relationships, we don't leave them at the surface level. We should take them deeper. Jesus calls us to cultivate meaningful relationships with guys who will make us accountable and honest toward each other. We need to be like iron sharpening iron, as the oft-quoted Proverbs 27:17 says. It's not our natural tendency, but it's something that can make all the difference in our lives.

This isn't a challenge for us just with our Christian friends; it holds true with our non-Christian ones too. If we don't get past that surface-level conversation with our non-Christian buddies, we'll never be able to share about more important things, such as our relationship with Jesus.

It's funny that talking about something as trivial as fantasy football is often the glue that leads to something more important down the line. Let's make sure we're not stopping at the shallow parts, though—but pushing more closely together. And, for us, this can happen without posting pictures of puppies.

People Matter More Than Politics

2009-08-27T12:33:00.001-05:00

Something I've noticed since coming to work with New Man a number of years ago is that many of our readers, and even some of our contributors, are inordinately focused on politics and the state of American culture. The letters, blog comments and opinion columns we occasionally run tend to focus on the big picture "state of America" and all the many and varied problems we are facing right now.

One of the things I'm concerned about is that we, as Christian men, do not get so preoccupied with these issues that we take our focus away from God and our personal faith.

Does politics matter? Of course it does. Does the changing American culture matter? Of course it does. Do they matter as much as your personal faith? Absolutely not.

California pastor Rick Warren touched on this subject earlier this month at the Assemblies of God General Council meeting in Orlando, Fla. He said: "What does God care about most? It ain't politics. It isn't changing American culture. He wants His lost children found."

You're talking about a guy who is heavily involved in the culture. He hosted a presidential debate last year. He spoke at the presidential inauguration. But you know what matters most to him, and what completely overshadows everything else? It's the fact that in the month of April, his, Saddleback, experienced a small revival and saw 1,600 people come to Christ.

If we truly want to change our nation, that's the kind of thing we have to pray for and seek after. That's the kind of news we have to focus on. That's the way Jesus did it.

Notice that when Jesus came to this earth the Jews were expecting Him to be a political leader, a powerhouse who would overcome the Romans. Instead, He was the opposite: a humble carpenter calling people to repent. But His life and the influence He had on His circle of friends changed the world in many more ways than a political victory could have.

Instead of complaining about the state of America, I'd like to challenge myself, and you the readers of our magazine, to let a change start with us: Let's live with authenticity. Let's share the gospel with our neighbors and co-workers. Let's build strong friendships of accountability with our fellow brothers in Christ.