What Viagra Can't Do
God has a greater design for sexual intimacy as we grow older, and it doesn’t require a miracle drug.
 

Unless you’ve been on the International Space Station for the past several years, you’ve heard about Viagra, the wonder drug designed to prevent impotency. In addition to making a nifty profit for its inventors, Viagra’s billions in sales have made at least two thing clear: (1) Men deeply desire to perform well sexually with their partner. (2) More men than you’d think have problems in this area—especially as they grow older. 

In a marvelous way, medical science is helping men with the physiological aspects of sexual dysfunction and aging. Viagra and similar medications can help the body perform better and respond to sexual intimacy and arousal.
However, they also may create a new set of problems, such as disappointed expectations and an emphasis on performance. What Viagra won’t address are the spiritual and psychological aspects of sex and aging.
A couple in their 60s, engaging in marital counseling, were surprised when asked how their sex life was going. They replied, “People over 60 don’t make love anymore.” Unfortunately, the myth that old age extinguishes the sexual fires is all too common.
Current research tells a different story. One study of men between the ages of 61 and 75 showed only 11 percent reported a decrease in their sexual enjoyment. Another study on men between the ages of 80 and 102 revealed two-thirds of these men still enjoyed sexual intercourse.
Many married couples in their 60s and older are still sexually intimate, and their romantic sexuality permeates their relationship. A study of men between the ages of 60 and 70 revealed the best predictor of their present sex life was their level of desire and frequency of activity when younger.
A couple who infrequently engaged in lovemaking in their younger years may refrain from sex altogether in later years. If a man sees himself and his mate as sexy, enjoys playful companionship and expects to make love consistently, whether 35 or 85, his sexual relationship with his wife will thrive.
It is true that our bodies, hormones and energy levels change as we age. Erections lose some of their firmness, need more direct physical stimulation and go away more quickly after having climax. Ejaculations aren’t as powerful, and more recuperative time is needed between lovemaking sessions.
Testosterone levels lower and the sexual desire may not be as consistently strong. Older bodies may have to five up certain favorite maneuvers, and physical ailments like heart problems and surgeries are more common.
These changes will require new attitudes. Husbands will have to get beyond defining their virility by physical intensity and performance. But this can be easy because of the many positive aspects of sex and maturity.
Consider the positive side. With older couple, there are less distractions and more quality time for frequent and prolonged lovemaking as the family nest empties and the pace slows. There are often financial resources for more frequent getaways. Husbands can last longer and focus more on the total experience of lovemaking.
Studies show that as men age they desire more physical affection built on a deepening intimacy, rather than just a need for sexual excitement and release. A healthy part of midlife assessment is that men explore what true intimacy really is, value new experience with renewed curiosity and adventure, and yearn to maximize the precious remaining years given to them.
The saying goes, “You can’t teach old dogs new tricks.” The opposite is actually true, “Old dogs learn more tricks.” Older men know life is messy and have learned to look through the eyes of love and adapt as they settle into a deeper marriage relationship.
God’s sexual ideal is to enhance erotic arousal through a rich, committed intimacy—not just physical attraction. In old age, husbands are closer to this ideal. They can enjoy a mature sexual relationship with the wife of their youth, who has grown more beautiful and sexy with the passing time. A mature couple’s passion has more history, more practical experience and more patience.
The bottom line: Don’t believe the lies that say sexual intimacy becomes extinct in old age. By physical necessity, it may change some. But emotionally and spiritually, it just gets better.
By Doug Rosenau, a marriage and sex therapist and author of A Celebration of Sex and co-founder of Sexual Wholeness (sexualwholeness.com), which teaches biblical sexuality.