If America is to survive (remember that even the great Roman Empire fell), a force of “new men” needs to emerge in this millennium. The need for change is underscored as large numbers of men—Christian leader among them—are being exposed for their sexual harassment of women and children, adultery and addiction to pornography and perversion.

 

Has the sexual revolution of the last 40 years delivered on its promise of greater freedom and creativity? Judging from letters that cross my desk, it actually has plunged men into greater bondage.

 

The inner torment of many men today is vividly described in a letter we received at our Breakthrough prayer ministry. Here are excerpts:

 

“This is an uncomfortable letter for me to write, but I need help. I’m a 22-year-old journalist who doesn’t smoke, drink or do drugs. Dave Dravecky’s account of becoming a born-again Christian in his book Comeback grabbed my interest like nothing else had. I wanted to feel that same excitement and joy.

 

I started out with a daily Bible study and prayer program, then began to attend church services. However, once I started to get closer to the Lord, I realized I needed to change my lifestyle, so I set about to clean up the messes in my life. Some were easily taken care of. Others were harder and took more time. And one has so far been impossible for me to beat—a losing battle with pornography and habitual masturbation. Even after I remove all porno stuff from my house, the images still taunt me and pull me back into the trap.

 

My goal is to have a pure wife who will love me for who I am. And I want to live a fruitful, holy life—all of which is impossible as long as I continue to abuse sex this way. So please pray that I’ll be given the strength to free myself from this hopeless wilderness.”

 

This letter pinpoints an insidious affliction that has weakened millions of men. Pornography has washed over our world like a tidal wave, corrupting youth, destroying marriages and leading to crimes of rape and perversion.

 

While it’s obvious that pornography can damage an adolescent’s ability to relate to women in a healthy way, it gets worse when he goes out into the working world. Today women are in deadly peril of rape and sexual abuse. Men face new dangers, too.

 

Many men today, as always, are tolerant of porn and are loath to change their lifestyles despite a growing public outrage over porn-induced sexual crimes.

 

In an article for Glamour magazine titled, “Zipper Control,” writer Skip Hollandsworth was brutally frank in describing the confusion he and other bachelors feel in our sexually dysfunctional society: “We feel hesitant and uneasy about… our relationships with women. More and more we are recognizing that our sexual fantasies might show us to be irredeemable jerks. In this sex-struck era, a new type of man is emerging. He’s not the ‘sensitive man’ or the ‘wild man’ we have read so much about… He’s the Frigid Man, the masculine equivalent of that once notorious ‘frigid female.’”

 

Today’s Frigid Man, according to Hollandsworth, has discovered that women “will not put up with the leering, sexist male attitude. She… will not sit passively by if she feels wronged. [As a result,] the Frigid Man, uncertain how to talk to today’s woman, let alone how to seduce her, had become passive, sexually withdrawn.”

 

Then Hollandsworth makes a surprising admission: “One-night stands are passé: sexual pleasure today has to involve intimacy, surrender and vulnerability. Never have we men examined our lives in such detail or wrestled so much with behavior. We have a long way to go, but the process has begun.”

 

As a result of many sexual pitfalls in today’s world, more and more single men are turning finally to something that they would have considered unthinkable—abstinence.

 

The evidence is overwhelming. For promiscuous males, no amount of hand-wringing can hide the fact that condoms don’t always protect; a seemingly wholesome woman can be HIV positive; and a too aggressive approach toward an apparently willing female can result in a rape charge. Therefore, males are forces to consider God’s way—that marriage is and always has been the best and safest way to have satisfactory sexual relationship.

 

Abstinence requires constant vigilance against the forces who hate you, who will do all they can to discredit you, who will call you a fanatic and question your manhood. Hold your ground!

 

And be encouraged by changes in the teenage approach to sex throughout grassroots America. In a survey of 1,000 adolescents in Atlanta, what 82 percent most wanted was help in saying no, according to an article in the Wall Street Journal.

 

To you males who made a decision in early life to be celibate until marriage, I salute you. You have chosen the higher, safer, holy ground. It’s probably been a lonely route. Hollywood has contempt for you. Millions of confused, lost, sick males resent you.

 

Why? Because you’re happier than they are. Because they have not found the satisfaction in marital sex that you have. Instead, they’re either in bondage to an enemy they don’t understand or are single, divorced parents or ex-husbands on the outside looking in.

 

If you are fed up with your loose lifestyle, it’s never too late to change. Here are the steps that work (I know).

 

1.Stop kidding yourself.

Trapped by your sexual lifestyle, you’re probably trying to convince yourself how great your life is when it’s really quite empty. Look at yourself ruthlessly. Is your life a plus or a minus? Be honest. If you resist change, see yourself 10 years from now. Is that what and where you want to be?

 

2. Make a decision to change.

Before an external change can take place, a man must make a wholehearted decision to change. Then he can confess his sexual sin, first to God, and then to his spouse and a trusted friend.

 

3. Find a support base for your decision.

We men are basically resistant to change. We need help from other men. After three-and-a-half years as an Air Force pilot in World War II, I re-entered civilian life totally messed up.

 

In the military I had learned how to fly, drink and womanize. After some miserable years as civilian trying to continue my Air Force lifestyle, I made up my mind to change. But nothing happened until I joined some young adults on a church weekend retreat. There I committed my life to Jesus Christ, with others as witnesses. These Christian became my support base. I was now accountable to them for a change in my way of life.

 

Male support groups that work best have accountability checks, deal ruthlessly with members who admit to regular fantasy trips with females and pray for discipline when together and separately.

 

4. Cultivate a new lifestyle.

If doesn’t happen overnight. You’ve made the decision. You’ve aligned yourself with a supportive group. Now take these additional steps: Break off harmful relationship and shift your friendship base to those who influence you positively. If alcohol is part of your negative lifestyle, stop going to certain bars or parties. Plan your week to include some new adventures; explore a hobby that has always intrigued you.

 

5. Be prepared for the enemy attack.

Face up to it—Satan is alive and well in our society. His goal is to entice, then enslave. When someone who belonged to Satan are liberated by the power of God, Satan is enraged. He goes after those who once were his to lure them back.

 

Expect to be tempted. Satan’s temptations will come in many forms: attractive females who will call you a wimp if you shy away from having sex with them; old friends who will label you “weak” for going to a support group. By expecting these assaults, you can better brace yourself for them.

 

6. Avoid temptation.

What’s tempting? Playboy magazines in a barber shop? There they sit on the reading table inviting you to pick them up. Refuse the bite. The video rental store? Stay away from the “mature themes” section.

 

Avoiding temptation begins with your thought life. Here’s a verse that has helped me: “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish stronghold. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Cor. 10:4-5, NIV).

 

The moment a wrong thought enters my mind (Is there anyone not subject to sexual images?), I bring it into “captivity” and lay it at the feet of Jesus Christ.

 

7. Plan each week in advance as completely as possible.

This prevents you from having chunks of free time for fantasizing. Focus on group activities, sports, exercise opportunities, education and travel. Cut down on TV watching. Arise early, go to bed early and get at least seven hours of sleep.

 

8. Re-establish your priorities.

Before my life-changing experience at the weekend retreat, my order of priorities was career, recreation (including dating), friends and family.

 

Within a year I was married (with a child on the way) and my priorities were sharply altered. The new ranking was God, family, career, friends and recreation.

 

9. Embrace abstinence.

OK, so maybe you’re not a virgin. You can change now. Re-examine how you spend time with women. Group dates, for example, are fun for singles and they build friendships.

 

Married men: See adultery as the destroyer of your marriage. Bringing grief to you, your wife and children.

 

To escape the sexual trap, the new man will turn away from sexual sins and seek the forgiveness of his wife (if married). He will confirm the truth in this statement: The more a man indulges his sexual appetite, the weaker he becomes; the more he denies his lustful appetite, the stronger he becomes.